falling

we are all falling in and out of confusion gracefully.
falling in and out of love,
we embrace eternity.

we are all merely suffering from a fatal disease,
called life
called life,
called life.

karma

on one side it's reassurance,
on the other side it's trust.
on one side it's blossoming,
on the other, it's rust.

thanking every day for
the earth,
the sky,
the dust.
we do what we can,
until we do what we must.

on the one hand you are dying
every moment that you live.
another moment you are dying
to take less than you give.

one moment there's just crying
for the things you'd understand.
next moment you jump up smiling
and take karma by the hand!

to do with my heart

don't tell me to be careful.
don't tell me to watch out.
i know exactly what to do with my heart.

i wanna open it
and spread it wide...
lay it out in the sun from side to side.
i wanna stretch it,
expose it,
bare it,
and expand.
and dance it to the love song of a woman and a man.

don't tell me to be normal
i wanna grow up to be like god.
though the way will bring no laurels,
and the gate is all but broad...

i wanna open it and spread it wide,
lay it out in the sun from side to side,
i wanna feel it,
and break it,
and have my beloved take it.
i wanna stretch it and expose it and bare it and expand.
and dance it to the love song of a woman and a man.

don't tell me to protect it,
to control it,
or reject it.
this old advice will be lost on me...
for i've felt that holy moment.
when you're in it then you'll know it!
and your heart will fly so high and you'll be free!!

ready, set, meditate!

and now

we come to the time of day

when the cushion comes out

and the two tiny sitting bones

rest there upon it.

we come to the time

when two eyes are closed

on this pleasure-play,

and two eyes open inside as one.

two eyes renunciate

their habitual gaze from right to left,

from yesterday to tomorrow.

this reluctant sadhu

journeys inward on a lame horse wearing blinders.

two ears now hear

an endless chatter

softly interrupted by the sound of silence,

dripping first like a leaky and intermittent drainpipe,

and after like warm oil poured steady-streaming across the forehead,

under the eyebrows

and into the brain...

an inner drink of quietude that knows no equal.

now we come to the time of day

when two arms relax shoulders

away from ears,

10 fingers, 10 toes, 10 000 worries melt away.

hands rest on bended knees.

buddha- feet blossom in a fledgling lotus.

and one spine,

a rooted tree, travels energy down to the earth

up to the heavens.

now this heart beats to

the rhythm of one hand clapping.

one mind surrenders to no-mind.

all is silent.

welcome to the part of the day for dying and being born again.

now we come upon this silent path.

this funeral pyre.

this first breath.

barefoot.

naked.

asking nothing.

knowing nothing.

and receiving for all that

the perfect freedom

that is already ours.

blessed

i am blessed

to be unrolled from god's great embrace

each morning when my feet touch the floor.

blessed with the gift of another chance to get things right.

i am blessed by the small tractor

that my sons have left beside the bed for me,

an offering radiant with the dusty generosity of earth.

i am blessed by a kitchen sink overflowing with dishes,

and leftover vegetable.

it is this work that humbles.

especially the cutlery which is menial and cluttered

and gives me an opportunity to do

something i don't particularily enjoy every single day.

i am blessed

by warm baths

and tiny fingers around my neck at 2 o'clock in the morning.

by tiny voices calling me "mama"

and even smaller ones inside saying

"a million and one gods surround you."

i am blessed bending forward

as my forehead grazes my legs.

and blessed bending backward as my hands meet the floor

and my heart opens wide.

often i am blessed by shakti

when she shakes me loose in her crazy-lady dance.

blessed by shiva as he honours me with his "sit-me-down-in-the-corner" stillness.

in silence nataraj and i jive,

in this,

our small corner of the universe.

ganesha comes to bless

with a sweep of that unusually elaphantine nose,

then suddenly,

all obstacles are removed and i feel

the pure clarity and purpose of my life unfolding.

kali comes too.

cursing and cutting

and killing away all that needs to die.

she makes one unholy mess,

then leaves me in the aftermath of her chaos,

and i realize that she has done me the great favour

of destroying the things i thought i had loved.

soon,

and not a second too late,

krishna blows in on the devoted breath of the divine.

he loves and dances,

dances and loves all sorrow away

with one sensuous trill of his bamboo flute.

he knows how to reach this maiden's heart with a glance,

a pose,

a single sacred note...and i know this--

that i am blessed.

this messy thing

i keep thinking

to make

a clean get-away

from this messy thing called love.

to crash the car of eros,

so out of control,

and walk away unharmed.

ha! so much arrogance!

i have done all of this damage myself...crashed glass,

said those unthinkable words,

remained too long unrepentant

and unforgiving,

and sat, like a fool, in judgement.

oh, what a shame and a late hour

to discover myself as that unhappy judge.

the wounded one in me

will never allow me to be happy

but will always sit apart

with her bowl of justice

to throw some sorrowful and withered petals in the air.

the wounded one in me

will fight hard to keep the darkness.

rage against the light.

she will hold fast to the veil which would reveal the truth,

if i would but stand fast,

and with total courage,

finally declare

the will to be at peace.

what happiness have i in this

broken world of lie?

the temporary joy of days...

no! i ask not for this happiness.

of houses, family,

the myriad distraction of a false world.

i ask for the sword of wisdom,

the wound of love,

the kiss of death to awaken in me

that peace which passes understanding.

the silence of space between incessant thought.

the sweet pause of being complete with what is.

nothing more.

the sacredness of silent bliss

in this messy thing called life.

hello handstand!!

when that burden

on my shoulders has been lifted

and has fallen down all around me;

then does my heart loosen,

and soften,

and unhinge itself from the trappings of fear and longing.

then do i feel the entirety of grace,

and am absolutely surprised to find myself standing

perfectly on my own two hands!